The Advice Trap

A book by Michael Bungay Stanier

My notes and key insights from this book

Overview

Michael Bungay Stanier's 240-page guide emphasizes coaching over directive management. The core thesis advocates that "listening and questioning rather than simply issuing instructions" creates more empowered, resilient teams.

Central Argument

Stanier contends that while coaching represents just one of six management approaches, it proves most effective long-term. He urges managers to pursue "Hard Change"—prioritizing future benefits over short-term ease—by delegating decisions to team members rather than micromanaging solutions.

The "Advice Monster"

Managers struggle with three problematic impulses: the desire to tell, to rescue, and to control. These instincts, though well-intentioned, undermine team ownership and organizational resilience.

Seven Essential Questions

The book's most practical contribution comprises seven transformative coaching questions:

  1. What's on your mind?
  2. And what else?
  3. What's the real challenge here for you?
  4. What do you want?
  5. If you're saying Yes to this, what must you say No to?
  6. How can I help?
  7. What was most useful or valuable for you?

Eight Question-Asking Principles

Effective questioning requires:

  • Ask single questions
  • Use minimal preamble
  • Make genuine (not rhetorical) inquiries
  • Start with "What"
  • Be comfortable with silence
  • Practice active listening
  • Provide acknowledgment
  • Maintain multi-channel flexibility

Recommendation

I recommend printing these frameworks for workspace visibility and practicing consistently to master this transformative management approach.